Church. Not Sure Where We Fit In...

I am Catholic.  I was raised Catholic by my mom and she took us to church every Sunday.  I also went to Sunday School for years (known as CCD back then, but now called Religious Ed). My dad was raised (quite pathetically) Methodist and as far as I know never went to a Methodist church except for maybe weddings and funerals.  He grudgingly attended Catholic events like baptisms, first communions, weddings and funerals, but preferred to stay as far away from church as possible.  Every Sunday, my mom would drag us out of bed, make sure we were dressed and fed before racing (literally) to church.  We were usually late and of course everyone noticed.  It's kinda hard to be inconspicuous with at first four and then eventually six kids entering a quiet church.  I rebelled a bit in high school and refused to go to church even with all the Catholic and mom guilt laid on me.  I just didn't care.  

My first year at IU (Indiana University), I felt an urge to go back to church and my dorm just happened to be within walking distance of the on campus Catholic Church. My first impression was thinking it was the most liberal Catholic Church I'd ever been in because the priests didn't generally dress like priests outside of church, were very laid back and often times comedians when giving their homilies. They actually allowed a Church Lady skit (Google Dana Carvey Church Chat if you don't know who the Church Lady is) one time with some students during Mass and we were rolling in the aisles laughing.  I loved them.  I also loved the music. Traditional music was taken and transformed into eclectic versions with acoustic guitars and soulful singers.  It was amazing.  I felt so connected to my faith again that I decided to get Confirmed. Something I had rejected in high school.  After I graduated from IU, I continued to attend church regularly until we had the boys.  

At first, it wasn't difficult.  Taking our oldest son, Riley, to church was very easy.  Then the twins arrived and I was lucky to get out of my pj's by noon that first year let alone make it to church.  Having 3 boys in 2 years was quite the adjustment and keeping all 3 quiet during Mass impossible.  I usually left the twins at home and took Riley to church by myself.  Reagan & Kaelan were showing signs of autism by the time they were 2 so you might imagine the behavior challenges we were dealing with at home often bled into our outings as well.  Usually, if we took them to church, there was always an incident (or two). One would get upset and let out a shriek; or the music would get too loud and both boys would panic and cover their ears.  They'd make bizarre clicks, moans, cries and humms while rocking their body's back and forth.  They'd bang their feet against the pews and usually Reagan escaped more than once with a gleeful grin on his face. Going up for communion was such a thrill (read sarcasm) too because Reagan frequently tried to make his First Holy Communion as a toddler when he lunged every. single. time. for the plate of communion the Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion was holding.  

It was pretty embarrassing because most people who didn't know the boys had autism thought they were just misbehaving brats.  I got so sick of the disapproving stares on top of the twin's behaviors that I just stopped taking them.  Then Riley started Catholic School in kindergarten. Most Sundays, I brought Riley to church and still left the twins at home.  I even became an Extraoridinary Minister of Holy Communion and got more involved with the church albeit minus the twins.  I think back and realize how rarely I brought the twins to Riley's school or to church.  It was just too hard to manage both of them and even when we did bring them we'd be exhausted by the time we left getting absolutely nothing out of church but resentment. 

Fast forward to our current situation.  I usually take the three teenagers to church leaving the younger three at home. Reagan and Kaelan have matured for the most part and can sit through Mass passably.  They even had their First Communion thanks to my mom being their private Religious Ed teacher (she teaches 2nd grade Religious Ed every year).  We still have embarrassing moments.  One is known to announce loudly things you'd prefer no one overhear.  One actually danced to someone's cell phone ringtone while we were sitting in the 2nd row pew right in front of the priest.  They also tend to give peace (shake hands for the non-Catholics) to each other quite forcefully and they always have to go to the restroom for an unusual amount of time causing me to sometimes send out a search party as to their whereabouts. There also may or may not have been a cartwheel executed on the alter during my youngest son's private baptism while we were at the baptismal font.  I can seriously count on one hand the times all eight of us have gone to church together.  And let me tell you we were quite the sight for all to behold and felt like we had a giant spotlight on us by the way everyone kept glancing at us (remember this post?).  Lily and Dasha are easily accepted because it is obvious they have Down syndrome.  Reagan, Kaelan and Leo at first glance appear "normal" until any behaviors flare up.  Even when we manage to get everyone dressed, fed and out the door, it is no easy feat especially with 4 children on the spectrum to arrive early, get settled and then expect them to sit for an hour quietly.  Lily and Leo cannot stay silent or still for any length of time and right now, it is a battle that can't be won.

So, I'm just trying to figure out how to fit church into our lives.  Any ideas?? The closest Catholic Church which my oldest prefers because his friends go there isn't set up to have families with multiple children with special needs. Sure, they have a cry room, but it is pretty small and usually filled with little kids and babies.  My teenagers really don't want to be in the cry room anyway, but I can't trust the twins to sit alone out in the main sanctuary.  How do we make it possible for ALL of us to attend church without losing our minds in the process? I do know some churches have special Religious Education programs called SPRED, but our church doesn't.  Those program also tend to work with older kids not little kids. There just seems to be a missing element for the younger than 10 set with special needs.  With all three of my boys (twins & Leo) on the autism spectrum, we were dealing with behaviors by the time they were 2 years old.  If I only had one child with special needs maybe it would be manageable, but not five kids.  I know we can't be the only family out there struggling with their church trying to attend and fit in with children who have special needs.