I've been wrong about a lot of things.
Big things.
At one time or another, I was certain I knew how my life was supposed to unfold.
The things I was sure would happen. The things I was afraid would happen. The things I thought I had figured out.
Looking back, some of the greatest blessings in my life came disguised as disappointments, detours, and diagnoses.
More than once, I looked at a situation and thought I already knew how the story would end.
More than once, God proved me wrong.
Recently, I've been reading old blog posts and wondering how we survived.
The surgeries. The diagnoses. The therapies. The waiting rooms. The crises that seemed to pile on before we'd recovered from the last one.
Reading those words now, I honestly don't know how we carried the weight of it all.
Maybe we didn't.
Maybe God carried us.
We often ask God to change our circumstances.
Sometimes He changes our understanding instead.
One of the things I've learned about God is that He rarely asks for my opinion before rewriting my plans.
I thought infertility meant being a mom wasn't in my future.
Instead, it became the beginning of a family unlike anything I ever imagined.
I thought autism would define our family.
Instead, love did.
I thought adoption would go a certain way.
Instead, I learned that even when you're trying to do God's will, life can still break your heart.
I thought joy depended on life finally getting easier.
Instead, I discovered joy wasn't the absence of suffering. It was God's presence in the middle of it.
I thought God had abandoned me.
Instead, I found Him in places I never would have looked if life had gone according to plan.
I thought acceptance was a destination.
Instead, I learned it's something we choose again and again.
I thought holiness looked quiet and peaceful.
Instead, it often looked like changing another diaper, cleaning up another mess, filling out another form, sitting on hold, and choosing patience when I had none left.
I thought the friendships I longed for would always be out of reach.
Instead, God introduced me to friendships I never expected... after fifty-five.
I thought if I trusted and prayed to God enough, He would spare the people I love from suffering.
Instead, I discovered God's promise was never that life would be free of suffering. It was that He would never leave us in it.
I still don't understand why some things happen.
But I've lived long enough to know that not understanding God isn't the same thing as God being absent.
Somewhere along the way, my circumstances didn't become easier. But my relationship with God changed.
I learned I could bring Him my fear, my anger, my questions, and my disappointment. And instead of answers, sometimes what I received was peace.
I thought I understood what love would ask of me.
Instead, I was wrong about what I was capable of loving.
I wasn't the first person to be wrong.
The Bible is full of people whose stories unfolded differently than they planned. Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Peter—even Mary. None of them lived the life they originally imagined. They had to trust God in the middle of a story they didn't fully understand.
These days I'm a little less certain than I used to be.
And strangely, that's become a gift.
I've learned to hold my plans a little more loosely.
I've learned that fear is a poor fortune teller.
I've learned that God sees endings I can't imagine.
So when life doesn't unfold the way I think it should, I don't panic quite as quickly anymore.
I've been wrong before.
And more often than not...
God was creating something beautiful from what I never would have chosen.
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