What Feeds my Soul

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Over the last few years, I've noticed something.

Without really intending to, I've been feeding my soul.

It has looked different than I expected.

It started with walking around two lakes near my house. 

At first, I was walking to get exercise or to my brother's house to be with my mom.

As I walked, I started noticing all the beauty around me. 

Swans, ducks and white pelicans gliding gracefully on one of the lakes. Otters, gators and spoonbills in the other. 

There were bald eagles soaring overhead, ospreys circling or even hovering midair before diving into the water for their dinner and oh my, the Florida sunsets are breathtaking. I don't need a beach nearby to witness incredible sunsets. Florida seems to supply them pretty much anywhere. 

On these walks, I started praying more. A rosary, a chaplet or even just a prayer that was on repeat in my mind and heart that needed to be said... again. 

Around the same time, I noticed other things changing too.

I found myself drawn to Christian music instead of the playlists I used to listen to. Religious art started catching my eye. I added more crucifixes to the walls of our home. I began writing again. 

Little by little without even realizing it, I was surrounding myself with things that pointed me back to God.

But it wasn't just what I bringing into my home.

It was what I was noticing outside of it.

Somehow, I became the neighborhood squirrel lady.

It started with one squirrel named Vinny. Before long I was buying pecans and walnuts, putting up feeders in the trees, and waiting to see who would show up each day. These days, Violet is usually the first to greet me.

The birds figured out the routine too. Cardinals, Blue jays, woodpeckers, mockingbirds... they all seem to know the sound of nuts hitting the feeders.

My brother laughed last week when he stopped by because several squirrels stopped what they were doing and all looked up at him at the same time. They thought I was coming with nuts. 

When they realized it wasn't me, they went right back to their squirrel business. 

He said it felt like he'd walked into a Snow White movie. 

And then there are the cats. 

There are stray feral cats that come to eat at my house, and I now carry cans of cat food in my pocket during evening walks because chances are high I'll run into at least one hungry stray. Years ago, I earned "Cat Whisperer" as a nickname, although I'm pretty sure most are saying "crazy cat lady" under their breath these days. 

Somewhere along the way, I realized all of these things had something in common.

At first they seemed unrelated. Walks. Prayer. Christian music. Squirrels. Birds. Writing. Even carrying cat food in my pocket.

Looking back, I can see God was using all of them for the same purpose.

They were slowing me down.

I'd seen sunsets before.

I'd watched birds before.

I'd admired swans before.

But after everything life had handed me, those same gifts weren't just beautiful anymore.

They were healing. 

One of the biggest surprises was discovering contemporary Christian music. The lyrics spoke to my sorrow and my doubts. More than once, a song came on at exactly the right moment, and I couldn't help but think, "God, that one was from You."

Grief had numbed parts of my heart. Christian music has helped ease that hurt. 

There's a beautiful Christian song that says, "Earth has no sorrow that heaven can't heal."

I believe that with all my heart.

One day every sorrow will be completely healed in heaven.

Until then, I think God gives us little glimpses of heaven here on earth.

The beauty was always there.

I don't think God changed the sunsets.

I think He was quietly changing me.

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