The "short bus"

-
There are a lot of people out there trying to stop the use of the "R" word.  Campaigns and blog posts are trying to make the general population understand how hurtful the word is to the special needs community. Before Lily, who has Down syndrome and autism, I myself used that word without thought.

I'd never thought of my 18 year old twins, Reagan and Kaelan, as "mentally retarded". Even when they were tested when they were 3 by the school system and the results put them in the mentally retarded range with an autism diagnosis, I just blew it off as crazy talk because they were both brilliant in so many ways. Reagan has always been referred to as a little Einstein or the next Bill Gates.

Lily was the eye opener for me. I couldn't bear thinking of her as mentally retarded or the more acceptable label cognitively delayed. The reality was I couldn't envision what mentally retarded meant for Lily. I just knew it sounded scary and overwhelming. Now that Lily is 7 years old, I understand what having cognitive delays means for her. It means she might learn things or concepts slower than her peers and needs more repetition. It means she might not care about writing her name or drawing/coloring. It means she might struggle to show what she is capable of and we just have to figure out a way to tap into her abilities. It means she might be misunderstood more often than not because of speech issues. It means she might process information differently and therefore react differently. Lily is NOT stupid nor is she an idiot.

The other day, I read someone's status update on Facebook and they referred to their smart phone as "riding the short bus" because it was acting so stupid/slow. I have to admit their "short bus" comment hurt my feelings and pissed me off at the same time. 

 I've had/have children who ride the "short bus" and there are very good reasons why they've ridden that bus aside from children who are in wheelchairs or other physical needs. First off, it is a SAFETY ISSUE. When the boys rode the special transportation bus, it was because Reagan was a eloper/runner (needing constant supervision) and we also feared how the other typical kids would treat them. It also was a fairly quiet environment for them to ride in and much less stressful than the other loud bus. Dasha and Lily ride the special transportation bus right now and one aspect I love is the 5 pt harness/seatbelts they wear. I love that someone greets them at the school to help them get off and get to class. The usually calmer surroundings and the aide, who rides with the bus driver in case another adult is needed, are other positive aspects.

So next time you see a "short bus" maybe you could think of my sweet girls riding inside excitedly going to school or thrilled to be going home. Maybe think of how safe they are instead of laughing or joking about the "short bus" or how "retarded" the kids might be inside.

Comments

Kady said…
Have I been living in a cave or somewhere out of reality? I've never heard the expression "The short bus," before and did not have a clue what the connotation intended until reading this essay. I feel sorry for people who are so ignorant they would even make that kind of pathetic remark. I have not had first hand experience with parenting a child being "mentally retarded," but I have been fortunate to know several such children, some who are now adults, and can speak with some authority that these are truly God's special gift to us all...these individuals, at least the ones I've known, have a purity in their nature that the rest of us can only envy...they are not judgmental or prejudiced....and even if they are sometimes frustrated because the speed at which they perform is perhaps not as fast as those around them, they seem to instinctively know that it is alright to be "different" and act at their own level. I choose to think that the person who made the remark about the sub-par performance of his smart phone had no intention of making such a derogatory comparison to a child with learning disabilities or perhaps mental retardation...hopefully it was just an ill-advised attempt at humor with no malice or prejudice intended at all.
April 5, 2011 at 7:11 PM
Mandy said…
Ok, that made me cry. I had never given a thought about what came out my mouth before having Bryce. Those words can cut so deep now and you showed just how to put a face to those remarks with your post. I might have to copy someday :)
April 6, 2011 at 1:28 PM
Molly said…
I looooooooove this entire post.
April 9, 2011 at 12:43 PM
George said…
It is amazing how we unthoughtfully use language that can hurt. This is a powerful piece. Thank you.
May 4, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Michelle said…
Oh that phrase gets me too; I don't hear it too often, but it is out there. People use it as another put down and it makes me so sad. Kayla also rides the special ed bus; although it is not 'short'! It's a regular size bus, I guess because there are so many kids who ride it! I like the fact that there is an aide who helps out and can maintain order on the bus, something a bus driver by themselves can't really do while they're driving. I wonder when I'll feel comfortable letting Kayla ride the 'regular' bus and think maybe when Lucas is going to school and can 'help' look after her.
May 19, 2011 at 10:32 PM
Susan said…
I have never heard that expression used in a negative way and my son rode the short bus for many years. Luckily by the time he was in Jr high, he could ride the regular bus with all the other kids. He has a big truck he drives now and a girlfriend that understands his "disability" It has been 26 1/2 years that I had to put him on the short bus and cry as he rode off. We do what we have to do to provide the best for our kids. Thank God for people with compassionate hearts.
September 10, 2013 at 2:39 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Acceptance Doesn't Happen Once

-
Image
Reflections from a retreat talk on being called, chosen, and sent as daughters of the Holy Spirit. I used to think acceptance was something that happened once. That eventually you reached a place where you made peace with the hard thing and then moved forward. I’m a wife and a mom of six. And five of my children have some level of disability—autism or Down syndrome. One of my daughters has both. My life has been full and beautiful, but also very different than what I imagined. And it didn’t all happen at once. In 2003, I was already well into navigating life with my twin boys’ autism diagnosis, while also raising their older brother. We were just figuring things out as we went and letting go of what I thought life would look like. I really thought I had found my footing and was handling things pretty well. But I’ve come to see that acceptance doesn’t happen once. It comes in layers.  And over the years, there have been other layers too: Infertility… adoption… other unexpected heart...
Read more
-
Image
When I was a little girl, I was never far from my mom’s side. I was the epitome of a Mama’s girl particularly with being an extremely shy and introverted child. For those that know her, my mom didn’t have a shy or introverted bone in her body.  New experiences or changes in my life always brought me great anxiety. My mom had a way about her though, that made those anxiety provoking moments seem less terrifying. She’d make them appear less daunting by giving me options that I could wrap my head around. She’d say “try it once”, “give it a week” or even said once, “go one year and then we’ll talk again” (this was when I wasn’t sure I wanted to go off to college). I remember her taking my complete stranger of a roommate, when I was a freshman at Purdue, to lunch and shopping for matching bedding to help ease my roommate and I into a very new and strange living situation.  She was my rock growing up.  Becoming a mom myself in 1994, I actually went and lived with my parents for...
Read more

Social Life...What Social Life?

-
It can be a lonely world when you have multiple children with special needs especially when you add a bit of shyness into the mix (okay, a lot of shyness).  A few years back, I started to realize the majority of my daily social interactions were with my kid's teachers, therapists or doctors.  A busy schedule of therapies, developmental schools and doctor appointments make up our weekdays, while on weekends we may have a few activities, but for the most part we often stay home.  Waiting rooms can be a social outlet for me to meet people, but rarely do any long term friendships arise and usually I run (blissfully kid free) errands while the kid(s) are in therapy or school because taking my kids shopping gives me hives.  I'm kinda kidding. By the time I get home at the end of my day, I'm ready to  collapse  stay at home. Another unusual factor is my husband, Matt, is home most days (since he's a musician he usually performs at night) and that contr...
Read more